Lately it has become increasing obvious that despite our best efforts to prevent, our twin boys, Cormac and Declan, have a clear favorite parent. In fact, last night Cormac confirmed my rising suspicion by blatantly staking his claim to me. During snuggle before bedtime, Cormac who was presently snuggling with me, told his twin who was coming over to "go see Dada". Declan has done the same in reverse pushing me aside for Daddy.
Hubby and I did our best from literally minute one to keep things equal and nourish our bonds with both twins the same. I'd actually witnessed twin girl cousins (now age 18 or so) who on visits to see us seemed to each have a designated parent. The one was always with the mom and the other with the dad. This was pairing off was something I hoped would not be as written in cement with my own twins. Flattering as it may be that Cormac seems to always want me lately, I couldn't help but wonder where we may have failed. But wait, have we failed?
I've given this a lot of thought lately, and I while I initially thought we had. I've come to a conclusion we have not failed, in fact I now believe that we actually have passed with flying colors.
As best I can tell, this "choosing favorites" is just a lesson in like vs. love. I'm secure in the knowledge that the twins both love Hubby and I fairly equally. Nonetheless, each twin currently likes one of us more. Here's where parents tend to get the urge to panic, so keep this in perspective. Choosing a favorite parent is just a baby or toddlers way of demonstrating their ability to recognize the differences in their parents. At 23 months, my twins each have different needs, abilities, and difference; why shouldn't they be drawn to the parent they think is the current best match for them.
Hubby and I rotated bottle feedings, carrying, and cuddling sessions whenever he was home. We took turns pushing the twin stroller, changing their wet diapers, and rotated who we held. Neither of us to the best of our knowledge have ever shown a preference for one twin over the other.
The reality is that despite of what we have done so far, my twins have favorites. Declan currently likes hanging with Dad more and Cormac currently likes hanging with Mom more. That doesn't mean Declan doesn't love me, nor does it mean that Cormac doesn't love Hubby. That also doesn't mean they will have the same favorites tomorrow. Toddlers are fickle and ever changing. Hubby and I will still continue to try to keep time spent with each twin as equal and varied as possible, never declaring our own favorites. However, I think we may just need to concede to that fact that the twins are playing by their own set of rules.