The youngest of my two brothers married his high school sweetheart after 11 year of dating this weekend and all 5 of my kids had a part of some sort in the ceremony. Truth be told, they are both a terrific couple that deserved a perfect day and I was more than a bit stressed as the day arrived that one of my 5 kiddos might mess up the carefully planned event. In the end, it is the potential disasters being averted one by one that I'll likely remember the most.
Our only daughter, Cordelia had the largest role. She landed what she envisioned as the dream job. No little flower girl position for her, she was the Jr. Bridesmaid which granted her access to all the girly fun a 10 year old girl with 4 brothers could ever crave. Mani/Pedis with the Bride & Bridesmaids, a hair appointment too, a sophisticated dress, a reason to buy new shoes, a floral bouquet, participation in all the photo sessions, riding right in the limo with the wedding party, drinking soda pop out of champagne glasses, and oodles of compliments on how she did and how she looked the entire day. The only thing was, this special job came with a teeny weeny little extra duty. She had not one, but two male escorts that would walk down the aisle with her. Cordelia would be joined by her twin (almost) 3 year old brothers, the ring bearers for this very special event.
I was worried both boys wouldn't do it. There is a reason twin two year olds aren't common place it wedding ceremonies and it's not because they are rare, it's because they are unpredictable! We decided not to talk about the whole thing too much for fear of scaring the twins, but we did start talking it up at rehearsal. However, the twins refused to even practice it. It was then that I mentioned a present would be waiting for them in their seats. The gift idea was a hit and my darling Cormac agreed, no problem. However, Declan was still refusing to go. He had a death grip on Daddy and a "no way, no how" attitude to go with his embrace. In fact, I told Cordelia to forget about Declan and sent her down walking with just Cormac. However, Declan had a last minute change of heart and decided to do it. He caught them in a couple quick steps, a few more steps and he had passed them both. He pondered heading right up the asile for the moment, but we herded him into the pew just in time. In the end, it was the promise of the gift waiting at the other end combined with a last second breath mint from my purse that got the job done.
Our oldest two sons did great in their parts. Hayden read the intentions perfectly and JC didn't drop the wine or spill the water as he ascended the altar. Mission accomplished. I even managed to say my own reading read without flaw. Photos, well we didn't get Declan in as many as they wanted but he posed for a few. It was well past naptime, so I was impressed both twins weren't a complete puddle of tears by that time.
Yes, yes, some might say I bribed them. Call me a bad mom, call me clever ... in any event, I did what I did. I'm not ashamed and I'd do it again. There are moments where a parent just knows that their child will forever regret not going for it. As a mom, I feel it is my duty to occasionally push my kids to step outside that box and leave their comfort zone. Ideally you can motivate your child to make a move forward with a confidence instilling conversation; but with a toddler it just might take a pack of army men, a die cast airplane, and a burst of spearmint freshness to get the job done.
I personally consider it a reward for taking a chance as opposed to a bribe and here's my logic: Ultimately, a bribe is given to entice someone to do (or not do) something that is deemed "wrong". To me, bribes involve the breaking of some sort of law or rule. Offering a child an incentive to reward their good behavior isn't the same thing as a bribe in my book, it's simply reward item for doing a good job on a difficult task.
In the interest of full disclosure, I think some unintentional parental deceit may have also come into play. You see, I'm fairly certain Declan thought the breath mint I offered as a last second additional "reward" was a piece of gum. And to explain, gum is the current equivalent of the "forbidden fruit" to the twins because they always swallow it. They know that, unlike our older kids, they are not allowed to have it and thus really really want it. They also know it's typically in a little pack often found in my purse. Honestly I didn't knowingly deceive Declan and say it was gum, but he later asked me in the pew for more gum and I suddenly made the connection. Oops?